


the dionysus doll

by solcadit



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types, Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan, The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan, The Trials of Apollo - Rick Riordan
Genre: Camp Half-Blood (Percy Jackson), M/M, hi george and martha, im bad at tagging, lets pretend trials of apollo doesnt exist, they meet the three graces
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-10
Updated: 2020-07-10
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:20:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25186264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/solcadit/pseuds/solcadit
Summary: “Leo, child,” Chiron’s voice is unusually calmer than usual, “What is that doll in your arms?”Leo holds out his arms to show them the doll, a crazy grin on his face. “I made a puppet of Mr. D. It talks!"-In which Leo tags along on Nico and Will's shopping trip, they get picked up by a god at a Mcdonalds, and chaos ensues. Typical.
Relationships: Nico di Angelo/Will Solace
Comments: 3
Kudos: 75





	the dionysus doll

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this at 1am i'm sorry 
> 
> there was an attempt to write comedy and chaos and i realized im terrible at writing fight scenes. and also terrible at pick up lines
> 
> (its also unbeta-ed)

Apollo’s head counselor leaving camp to buy mortal medical supplies? Sure, that’s fine. The infirmary running out of supplies has been pretty normal recently, with Harley and all his dangerous games.

Apollo’s head counselor’s boyfriend, the son of Hades, accompanying the healer to go buy mortal supplies? Yeah, that’s good and all. A person can never be too careful and two demigods are better than one.

A bored Hephaestus’s head counselor who had somehow made himself a fire-proof magical puppet (that looked a little too much like their camp director) that spouted terrible pick-up lines going along with the happy couple to go buy mortal supplies?

Already pushing it, but sure. Why not, right?

The three of them leaving camp to buy mortal supplies just before sunset and coming back at two in the morning in a mortal taxi that the god of messengers is apparently driving around in the middle of the night and yelling about talking magic snakes?

Oh, Chiron is going to _kill_ them.

Nico di Angelo blames Leo Valdez for this chaos.

He and Will were getting ready to shadow travel into the biggest drugstore out in the city when Leo Valdez had run up to them on the Big House porch, dirty clothes, magical toolbelt and crazy grin visible from a mile away with something that looked like a Dionysus doll in his arms. 

If it was up to Nico, he would have run away from Leo because Leo is always up to something crazy, and if the freaky looking thing in his arms was anything to go by, he had made something again. The last time Leo made something that wasn’t mechanical or had gears in it, it made the little campers cry and Nico shriek. Nico di Angelo doesn’t just _shriek_.

But Will is there, and he’s always the human equivalent of rainbows and sunshine and unicorns. Will waves Leo over, sunny smile on his face, and Leo bounds up to them.

Nico gets a first look at the _thing_ in Leo’s arms and almost draws the sword hanging from his belt. He thinks he even hears Argus make a sound behind them, and Chiron trots nervously.

“Leo, child,” Chiron’s voice seems to be strained as he attempts to sound calm, “What is that doll in your arms?”

Leo holds out his arms to show them the doll, a crazy grin on his face. “I made a puppet of Mr. D. It talks!”

The thing - the _puppet_ \- is made of some stringy kind of yarn, has a wide face, a red button for a nose, black braided yarn as curly hair, and looks like a five-year-old girl’s favorite rag doll. Except, of course, it resembles Dionysus. It even has purple fire for eyes. Nico is shocked Dionysus hasn’t smited Leo yet through the doll.

It's hideous.

Leo proudly presses a hidden button on the doll’s hand and it speaks, its voice also sounding a bit too much like Mr. D. “Are you a campfire? Cause you’re hot and I want s’more.”

Will makes a strangled sound as if he’s not sure whether to laugh or to fall to the ground sobbing. Nico stares at it as if it might explode. 

Chiron clops forward and peers down at the doll. If Nico’s hunches are correct, Chiron is about two seconds away from drawing his bow and shooting Leo’s doll to the ground then proceed to trample Leo Valdez underhoof, so when Chiron heaves only a deep sigh and addresses Leo, Nico has to keep himself from staring at the old centaur in shock.

“Leo, I don’t think Mr. D would appreciate that.” Chiron takes another deep breath, “Maybe you should keep that back in Bunker 9.”

Leo frowns as if he’s wondering what’s wrong with his doll, and when it looks like he’s about to start talking about how great of an idea it actually is, Nico cuts in. “Hey, Chiron, we’re gonna get going.”

Will nods furiously, his hand reaching over to grip Nico’s tightly. He’s practically tugging on it, and Will hates shadow travel so much he would never do it unless it was _really_ urgent. (Nico assumes leaving before something bad happens would count as urgent.)

“Where are you going?” Leo asks them, his eyes glinting with curiosity and excitement. “Can I come?”

Nico, Will, and Chiron all exchange a look. Where are Jason and Piper to reel in Leo when you need them?

Most campers have been dying to get out into the mortal world recently ever since the war ended and Apollo became a human again, but ever since Dionysus left to return to Olympus for urgent matters, Chiron decided to keep the camp on lockdown to ensure no other important demigod die or be on the verge of death. A demigod would think that after dying once, they wouldn’t be excited to get back out in the open world.

But then again, Leo has always been, well, _Leo_.

Will breaks the silence, speaking slowly. “We were going to a mortal drugstore to buy some mortal supplies for the infirmary. We were running out and we can’t really wait for the camp store to restock.”

“Can I come?” Leo presses, the doll still sitting in his arms.

They all look at Chiron, who sighs, seemingly very tired of everything.

“Alright.”

Chiron then trots away. Maybe Leo and his doll gave him a centaur migraine.

Leo’s eyes widen and twinkle in excitement. Nico holds out a hand as if to stop Leo, accidentally sending out a wave of death. Huh, must be the terror he’s feeling from that… that _thing_.

Nico blinks then tries to keep himself under control, Will squeezing his hand and sending a ray of warmth through him.

“Sorry.” Nico waves his hand passively, then focuses on Leo again, narrowing his eyes. “Leave the doll, Leo.”

Leo frowns again, the twinkle in his eyes dimming just a little. “Why?”

“Uhm,” Will fumbles with his words, unusual for a child of Apollo, “It’s a bit, uhm,”

“It’s terrifying,” Nico says, direct to the point. 

Will waves his other hand frantically, “It’s not! It’s just,” He falters, racking his brain for a word to make it sound nicer than Nico would, “We wouldn’t want to attract any monsters because of your doll, you know!”

“It’s terrifying,” Nico repeats, now obviously glaring at the doll. Wil squeezes his hand again to quiet him. 

Leave it to Will to try and make everybody happy.

Leo’s frown only deepens. “It’s only a doll.”

Nico opens his mouth to retort and tell Leo how unsettling the doll actually is, when Will squeezes his hand urgently. Will leans over to whisper in his ear, “Shush, Neeks. It can’t be that bad, it’s only a doll.”

“But Will,” Nico sounds like he’s whining, but he frankly doesn’t care. He waves his free hand in the direction of Leo and his doll, unable to find the words to express how _weird_ it is.

“Anyway, let’s go,” Will ignores Nico. He holds his other hand to Leo, “You don’t have to leave it. It’s just a doll. It can’t hurt us.”

He directs the last part to Nico, who only rolls his eyes. After Will calls out to Argus, who is still watching them (particularly Leo) warily with his many eyes, that they’ll be back in a few hours, Nico steps into the shadow of the giant tree near the Big House. 

“How’d you make that thing, anyway, Leo?” Will asks casually as he holds a stack of cotton packs in his arms and walks around the store. 

Thankfully, Leo has agreed to put his doll in the giant gym bag Will brought. The gym bag is hanging on Nico’s shoulder as of the moment, as he walks behind Will with a shopping basket, putting three of every type of medicine he sees in the basket. 

Leo is flitting around the shelves, gathering medicines and dropping his armful in Nico’s basket when he returns. “I made the doll, decided I need to work on my non-mechanical projects, then asked Lou Ellen to charm it to talk.”

Nico pretends he doesn’t notice Will’s little wince. He clears his throat to join in the conversation, “Why Dionysus?”

Leo only shrugs, “I was planning on making Apollo but I couldn’t get any more yellow yarn from Arts and Crafts.”

Will nods as if Leo making terrible pickup line spouting dolls of the Olympians is all perfectly normal, “Dad is more likely to say pick up lines, you know.” 

Nico can’t help but silently agree. 

Leo only hums and tells them he’ll gather more yarn and maybe make a better version of the dolls soon enough.

If Nico feels the gym bag hanging from his shoulder feel like it lightened a few pounds while they continue walking around the store, he doesn’t say anything.

They’re standing in line when Nico feels his senses tingling.

Frowning, he looks around, scanning the area of the store and the people. It looks completely normal, but he thinks he hears a bunch of birds screeching from a distance. Leo seems to hear it, his head looking every which way, eyes narrowing.

That’s weird. Birds don’t usually chirp _that_ loudly. 

“Nico, do you hear that?” Leo drops his voice. “Are those… birds?”

He points towards the windows of the store, where a group of five or so birds are pecking at the glass and screeching. Nico squints, he notices the metallic glint of the beaks.

The mortals around them are looking curiously at the birds. They’re probably seeing the birds as pigeons and wondering why would normally peaceful ground pigeons be pecking at a store window. A drugstore, nonetheless.

“Stymphalian birds,” He mutters to Leo before tapping Will’s shoulder to shove the gym bag and shopping basket in his arms. He stands up on his tiptoes to graze his lips past Will’s earlobe as he whispers, “Just get those. We’ll come back in a bit. Shouldn’t take more than ten minutes.”

Leaning away from Will, Nico proceeds to mutter curses under his breath as his fingers graze the handle of his iron sword and he steps out of the line. 

“Come on, Leo. We got some damned pigeons to fight.” 

Will’s eyes widen slightly when he spots the murderous birds pecking at the window, “Wait, guys-”

“Maybe we can kill them before getting scratched.” Nico muses. 

Leo follows him, a wide grin splitting his face again as he cracks his knuckles, “I’ll throw my fireballs at them.”

The pair of them stroll as casually as they can outside of the drugstore. 

The moment they step a foot outside the store, the birds squawk and dive towards them. Nico slashes his sword in an arc, hissing in pain as one throws itself at his arm while two others disintegrate into golden dust. Leo hits another in the beak with a ball of fire he throws from his hand.

 _Nope_. There’s definitely more than five.

Nico scans the dimming sunset skyline and the surrounding electricity poles, spotting what must be a hundred birds with bronze beaks.

Around them, mortals are walking in a giant circle away from them, staring with wide eyes and shocked expressions. Some are already holding up their phones. Nico can only guess they see him and Leo wielding wooden sticks and throwing trash at the “ _poor pigeons_ ”.

Leo tugs on his Nico's shirt sleeve, using his other hand to shoot another fireball at another bird that dives at them. “Mortals.”

Nico stabs at another bird, starting to jog backwards down the sidewalk away from the flock. Leo dodges around the birds using his small frame and speed, holding a hammer and yelling out whenever a bird makes to scratch at him.

The rest of the birds that were peacefully sitting on the poles and staring at them with beady little eyes had started to attack when they noticed the rest of their friends turned to monster dust. Leo yelps as a few of the birds nip at his hair, probably taking out chunks of his curly hair; Nico swings his sword in an arc. Only one bird disintegrates, the others have the sense to dive towards their feet.

“Nico, how do we beat them?” Leo yells, stepping out on the street for one second and almost gets run over with another yelp. He shoots a flame of fire with one hand and digs through his toolbelt for a tool to throw. He comes up with a hammer and lobs it at a bird. Two are burned and another goes down with a squawk before it turns into yellow dust.

“Music! Bad singing! I don’t know!” Nico yells back, having been racking his brain since before they left the store to come up with nothing. It's one of those moments where his brain cannot seem to multitask together with his battle reflexes. _Typical_.

Percy and Annabeth probably mentioned fighting Stymphalian birds years ago, but the memory was too fuzzy. Nico had never fought them himself either. He'd only known Hercules or somebody fighting them with bad singing or noise or whatever. He never expected to fight them _today_ of all days.

The birds are too fast for him to successfully stab them, and the ones he doesn’t send back to wherever they come from claw at his arms and hands and face. He drops his sword with a hiss of pain and a flaming screwdriver sails past his ear, turning another monster into dust. 

Leo suddenly breaks into a bad, off-key cover of the campfire song about a grandmother putting on her armor while shooting fire at them. Nico winces; it’s terrible. Apparently, the birds seem to think so, too, because they suddenly start flying into each other, giving Nico time to slash through a few of them and Leo to hit them in the face with fire before they dive at them again.

“Why do they look they brought all of their ancestors from Tartarus?” Leo is yelling again in between random lines of song, throwing random flaming tools from his toolbelt and taking down the occasional monster bird aiming for his face with the hammer in his hand. It’s a wonder he hasn’t hit any innocent mortals. 

Now, if anything really saves them, it’s Leo's terrible singing. The off key song makes the birds birds bump into each other and giving Nico and Leo enough time to slash through and burn them. Will's sonic whistle rings through the evening, making the birds freeze in mid-air. Leo starts singing terribly again just to keep the birds in their crazy frenzy.

Nico would sing as well, but he's not a terrible singer. So he starts chanting in some sort of rap while he's hacking and stabbing at the demon birds.

In a matter of minutes, dead birds lie all around the sidewalk. Mortals have their phones out, probably talking videos of the two crazy teenagers who started randomly attacking useless pigeons.

He is _so_ glad no one from camp really uses the Internet. Or phones. 

Going viral with Leo as a " _lunatic duo fighting off innocent pigeons with a stick_ " is _not_ the legacy he wants to leave behind, thank you very much.

Nico blows his hair out of his eyes. Leo walks up and down the sidewalk, picking up his tools and shoving them back in his toolbelt. Nico looks down at his arms; they're scratched and bleeding but it's not anything he hasn't experienced before. He reaches up to his face and winces when he touches a patch of wet, cut skin on his cheek.

Will runs up towards them, a bulky gym bag bouncing at his side and dragging Leo by the arm as he passes. Leo is yelping, "Not the scratch- _Ow_!"

Nico follows Will as he continues to walk past, leading them into a tiny alley with a closed dumpster two blocks away. Will drops his gym bag onto the ground and zips it open, fumbling inside it for a few moments before holding up a tiny spray bottle filled with golden liquid and a sealed roll of bandages.

"Thank the gods I thought to bring nectar today," Will is muttering under his breath as he struggles to tear open the package with one hand. 

Leo reaches out to help but Will only glares. The son of Hephaestus shrinks back under the intensity.

As bright of a sunshine Will is on normal days, he admittedly has a death glare to rival Nico's.

"Arms out," Will commands once he's managed to open the package. 

The pair obliges, wincing as Will sprays nectar on the cuts on their arms. He wraps the bandages around Leo's arms first, since he has more cuts there, before proceeding to bandage up Nico. Will attacks his cheek with the nectar spray and Nico almost jumps in surprise.

Will disapprovingly clicks his tongue at them. "If you guys only _waited_ until we paid, we could have shadow traveled out of there."

"We didn't know there were so many of them!" Nico protests, "We thought we could handle it!"

Will rolls his eyes and pokes Nico's chest, "That's what all you fighters think, then you end up in the infirmary!"

Nico sighs, already used to the nagging. Leo, on the other hand, looks guilty. He hasn't been on the other end of Will's nagging yet, so it must be a shocker to him to see how the usually calm and laid back son of Apollo can be so much like an annoying mother hen.

Will huffs then crouches back down to return the nectar and bandages in his giant gym bag. He slings it over his shoulder and looks directly at the pair of them. His blue eyes are blazing. "I got a few twenties left from the drugstone and there's a McDonalds nearby. Let's go for dinner."

Nico guesses it must be around eight in the evening when they sit down in the fast food joint with their food. It was already sunset by the time they left camp. They spent over an hour in the drugstone, maybe a half hour with the birds and Will patching them up.

Leo immediately picks up his burger and digs in. Nico picks at his nuggets and the Pokemon toy he doesn't know the name of that comes with his Happy Meal. After the Stymphalian birds, he's not really all that hungry. The energy from the battle still wasn't worn off, he feels like he might have to jump into a battle soon.

Nico almost jumps out of his seat in surprise when someone suddenly slips in the chair across him, beside Leo. It's a man with salt and pepper hair and looks to be around his early thirties. He's wearing an olive green jumper, with a caduceus sewed onto his breast pocket.

Will's mouth falls open, he drops his fry back onto the tray. "Her-"

The god presses a finger to his lips, eyes flashing and lips curving into a mischievous smile. It's a smile Nico recognizes on the faces of the Stoll brothers and Cecil Markowitz.

Will closes his mouth and reaches for his fallen fry, popping it in his mouth.

Leo reaches for his soda and takes a long drink as he glances at the god sitting beside him way too nonchalantly. Nico doesn't miss the way Hermes's gaze follows Leo's drink.

"What's up?"

Will frowns at Leo's nonchalance, "Leo, you know who he is-"

"Yeah, of course," Leo sets down his cup, "He's Cecil and Connor's dad."

"That's right," Hermes confirms with a nod.

Nico tilts his head, his nuggets and fries untouched. "What are you doing here?"

Hermes's face splits in an even wider grin, "Why, I was just passing by to get dinner after a long day mailing packages and letters."

Nico doesn't buy it. Gods always have a reason for seeking out demigods. Hermes, in particular, had been the subject of Percy's stories a few times, along with his snakes George and Martha.

Leo suddenly asks with a giggle, "Where's your stick?"

Will's eyebrows knit together, "Lord, he means your cad-"

To Will's surprise, Hermes lets out a loud booming laugh and snaps his fingers. His caduceus poofs into existence in his hand, and two voices slither (not a pun, mind you) into Nico's head. From the way Leo giggles and Will almost chokes on the handful of fries he just puts in his mouth, he knows they can hear it, too.

 _"Do you have any rats?"_ A raspy, male voice asks.

 _"George!"_ A female voice chides, _"Not over the kids' dinner!"_

Hermes lets out another laugh, "Now, now, George and Martha. We can't just ask these children for rats. They just fought off a flock of Stymphalian birds!"

 _"Maybe the birds had rats,"_ The male, George, Nico assumes, muses.

Nico raises his eyebrow, "What do you want from us?"

Hermes leans over, setting his caduceus on the table. The larger snake in the caduceus immediately slithers towards Nico's nuggets. 

_"George, no!"_

_"He hasn't even touched them, Martha!"_

_"Don't be rude!"_

Hermes ignores his two snakes, looking at the three demigods in turn with a bright smile.

"I'm here to give you all a ride back to camp! Messenger of the gods and all, you know. Apollo has pulled in a special favor for me to escort you all back to camp."

Beside Nico, Will's ears turn bright red. Nico ignores it, "What else? There must be something else!"

" _Quite feisty, this son of Hades_ ," George the snake notes.

Hermes taps his fingers on the table, pausing for a moment before continuing. "Dionysus has sent me."

Nico immediately groans, knowing where this is going. Hermes is there to pick them up and bring them to Dionysus where they'll be turned into crazy dolphins.

"Leo!"

The god's eyes flash with interest as he continues, "He has asked me to look at the creation of a certain demigod."

This is it, they're going to be smited. Will's efforts to heal them up will be in vain. This is all because of Leo and that _stupid_ doll.

To Nico's surprise, Hermes laughs, "No, no. Dionysus, if I might say, is quite annoyed? Is that the word? But not enough to smite you or turn you three into dolphins, no. He has just asked me to give you a ride back to camp in my taxi."

Will lets out a huge exhale at the information that they're not going to be smited or turned into animals and reaches for his soda, gulping half of it down in one go. A look Nico can't place flashes through Hermes's eyes as Will leans over to rest his head on Nico's shoulder while reaching for his container of fries. Beside the god, Leo is munching on his burger without a care in the world.

Nico decides to press on, "Is there a catch?"

The two snakes laugh in Nico's mind. It's some hissing sounds that vaguely sound like laughter so Nico manages to recognize it.

Martha says, _"I like this boy. Very curious, very smart. Asks a lot of questions."_

"I've been tricked too many times already, that's why," Nico grumbles under his breath.

“There’s no catch. It’s just an act of kindness,” Hermes studies him for a moment before suddenly pushing Nico's own tray of food towards him, "Eat."

"No, thanks. I'm not hungry, you can have it, Lord."

" _May I swallow your toy_?" George the Snake's voice is in his head again. 

Nico watches as the bigger snake makes a move to slither towards the small Pokemon toy still wrapped in plastic lying on the table, then scoops it up and puts it in his hoodie pocket before George can reach it. He's not going to eat anything especially after watching Leo giggle like a madman, but he is _not_ about to give away his toy.

George seems to sigh, " _You don't eat your Happy Meal, but don't want to give away the toy. I'm starting to think you just bought the meal for the toy_."

" _Hush, George_!"

"Quiet down, you two." Hermes tells his snakes, and the two voices immediately silence. He peers at Nico, a small smile on his face. "I see. Alright then, let's go to my taxi if you all are done eating."

Leo has taken another gulp of his soda and has promptly started giggling like he's being tickled by a Hundred Handed One. Will, after finishing his container of fries, his burger, and his drink at record speed, is now clinging onto Nico like a koala and nuzzling his face into his neck.

Nico shifts uncomfortably at the display of public affection, wondering if he just imagined the faint scent of sour grapes in the air.

Nope.

Of course there was a catch.

 _This is the Greek gods we’re talking about,_ Nico thinks to himself, _Typical_.

Hermes had turned his caduceus into a sleek iPad, effectively silencing the two snakes, and had tapped on it a few times before ushering them in the vehicle. Nico is stuck in the middle of two weirdly strange teenagers in the backseat of a mortal taxi the god of thieves swears isn’t stolen. 

Will’s giant gym bag is also on Nico’s lap, Will himself leaning his head against the window and groaning with little soft “ _ow_ ”s in between giggles whenever they hit a pothole. Leo has a few pieces of scrap Celestial bronze and Imperial gold on his lap and is waving around a screwdriver, singing a campfire song under his breath that Hermes occasionally joins in.

“Where are we going?” Nico speaks up, peering out of the window. The road they’re driving through doesn’t seem to be on the way to camp, since it’s jam packed with cars.

“I have to drop off a few last packages, of course,” Hermes waves his hand to the passenger seat behind him. Nico spots three boxes and a large document envelope on the seat. “I’ll get you back to camp after.”

The son of Hades frowns at the traffic, “Can’t you finish up faster? Or appear in multiple places at a time? Chiron might be looking for us-”

“I’ll handle Chiron.”

Nico puts his arm around his boyfriend with a sigh when Will latches himself on Nico’s arm. His eyebrows knit together. Is it possible to be kidnapped by a god? Are they being brought somewhere to go on _another_ quest?

Hermes suddenly laughs, leaning back against his seat and twisting around to look at Nico. He snaps his fingers, and bottles of sparkling water appear floating in the air in front of the three demigods’ faces. “I’m not sending you on a quest, calm down. Have a drink.”

Nico eyes the bottles suspiciously.

“Drink,” Hermes orders, his eyes flashing before he turns back to the steering wheel and pressing on the gas. He turns on the radio, an old pop song from the 70s fills the small car.

And so the three demigods drink.

The first sip makes Nico want to vomit out the contents of his already-empty stomach. It tastes sour and a little bitter, and the liquid stings and burns at his mouth and the back of his throat as he swallows. It tastes like _barley_ , some kind of cider. 

Nico makes a face. He _hates_ wheat due to past experiences. Also, his head is spinning but he keeps drinking, the strange barley liquid making his throat dry. He gulps down the whole bottle of (obviously not) water as Hermes steps on the gas and they drive through New York.

They make two stops before Nico crashes.

The first is on a glittering street full of people and theaters. It’s downtown, it’s bright, it’s noisy. It’s a wonder how Leo is asleep through the noise and excitement. The son of Hephaestus _thrives_ on excitement. 

Hermes parks in front of a giant theater and gets off with two packages and his iPad in hand. Nico and Will, both giggling, press their noses to the window and watch as Hermes talks to three smiling ladies all with long hair and in long dresses. 

One of them is wearing a dress that’s covered in silver sequins and twinkling under the lights of the theater, her brown hair is pulled back in an updo. Another is wearing a simple yellow dress the color of sunshine and golden hair in braids; she waves at Nico and Will, her smile as bright as sunshine. The third lady is wearing a floral printed dress and has a flower crown perched on top of her chocolate brown hair. She snaps her fingers and a bouquet materializes in her arms.

Nico is briefly reminded of Persephone as he leans back down in his seat, his head spinning. He glances at Will and promptly lets out a loud laugh to see spring flowers - tulips, daisies, daffodils - twisting themselves in between Will’s golden hair. Will reaches over, plucking out a rose petal from Nico’s own hair; Nico wrinkles his nose. The flowers look better on Will.

“You’re pretty,” Nico says dumbly. 

Will laughs, his smile brighter than the yellow lady’s outside, as he leans over and presses a soft kiss to Nico’s lips. He tastes like the barley cider Hermes gave them earlier.

Hermes looks at them through the rearview mirror, a glint of amusement in his eyes, “Meet the three Graces, boys,”

The second stop is hazy at Central Park. Hermes gave them another drink of the barley cider just before leaving the downtown theater with the three Graces. Nico’s head is spinning, eyes are drooping closed, and Will’s left hand in his right is sending rays of warmth through his body. Leo, still snoozing on Nico’s right, is also toasty and cozy, with his being a child of fire.

Nico only briefly remembers Hermes getting off the taxi with the envelope and package, a familiar hooded figure walking towards them while lowering his hood, before he succumbs to the sleep pulling at him.

He dreams of a pudgy man wearing a Hawaiian shirt sitting at a game machine in an arcade - Dionysus. Instead of the god of wine playing a game on the Pacman machine, he is watching the three demigods doze off in the backseat of Hermes’ taxi. 

Sitting on the top of the game machine is the ugly Dionysus rag doll that Leo made. The god waves a hand, and the doll speaks out. 

_“If you were a Transformer, you’d be Optimus fine!”_

Nico’s dream self cringes. Dionysus - the actual Dionysus, the god - snaps his fingers and the doll disappears in the midst of a flame of purple fire.

Nico wakes up the next morning in his own cabin with a splitting headache to someone banging on his door and yelling his name.

He groans, dragging himself out of his bed and to the door. He throws it open to see Chiron and Will, standing outside with a giant group of campers peeking from behind his torso, and he suddenly feels self conscious about his appearance. He looks down at himself to find himself still wearing the same clothes he wore yesterday.

Chiron doesn’t seem to mind, “We will need to have an urgent talk about last night’s events at the Big House in an hour. I will go look for Leo.”

Chiron trots away from the Hades cabin, being tailed by the growing group of campers. Only Will remains standing in front of Nico, and Nico scratches the back of his head, squinting at the sunlight when he focuses his gaze on Will. 

“What happened?”

Will shifts uncomfortably, “You know how we met Hermes at the Mcdonalds yesterday?”

Nico nods, thinking about the previous night's events. 

He vaguely remembersg into a taxi and drinking a few bottles of some weird sparkling barley drink that tasted weird. Then everything else is _so_ fuzzy.

“Yeah, I remember Hermes.” He pauses, “And George and Martha.”

Will visibly shudders. He never liked snakes because of his father’s fight with the serpent Python, it must be shocking to hear two snakes talk in his head.

“Anyway, apparently Hermes did drive us back, but it was around two in the morning and-” he winces, “Apparently, we were yelling about the snakes so loudly Peleus woke up and started snorting fire, and I don’t know. I guess we woke up the whole camp.”

George and Martha? Really? Nico frowns, trying to remember if anything like that happened. He doesn’t remember anything at all; he eyes Will suspiciously. What if Will is only playing around with him?

“Did the Stoll brothers set you up to this?”

The son of Apollo’s eyes widen comically, “What? No! Cecil told me about it this morning, apparently there’s even videos,”

“And how do I know I can trust Cecil? A son of Hermes?”

“He’s my best friend!”

“A son of Hermes!”

“Nico!”

“Why would we be yelling about Hermes’ snakes? At two in the morning, none the less?”

Will rakes a hand down his face, “I don’t know, Neeks. I can barely remember anything either, but apparently that’s why Chiron is looking for all of us,”

Nico frowns before he lets out a tired sigh.

“Fine, I’ll go take a shower and change. Meet you by the Big House in fifteen?”

"Alright." Will nods and reaches over to ruffle Nico's already messy bedhead, a grin splitting on his face despite the crazy situation he has just told Nico about, "See you in a bit!"

Nico steps back inside his cabin and closes the door with another sigh.

Nico blames Leo.

If he hadn't made that _stupid_ doll, they wouldn't have had to have been tracked down the god of messengers, been made to drink supposedly innocent drinks that had been enchanted to make them all loopy and giggly and weird to the extent that they ran into camp, yelling, " _Talking snakes tried to steal my Happy Meal_!". 

The campers - especially Percy and Jason - will _never_ let Nico live that down when they hear about it.

Which they probably already have.

Nico blames Leo.

Even Chiron looks like he's trying hard to keep his neutral expression to tell them off despite the satyrs laughing their heads off and even Argus trying not to laugh, when Chiron informs them that Hermes had drove his taxi right through the sea and onto the shore of camp, terrifying a few dryads, naiads and harpies.

They had almost been attacked by the harpies and had been pelted with bunches of old dried leaves clumped together. Nico had found one of them stuck in his hair when he was talking a shower.

Nico blames Leo.

They're stuck with pegasi stable cleaning duties for the next month for the trouble they seem to have caused. The pegasi _hate_ Nico; they don't even let him near them.

Well, exactly Blackjack. Blackjack lets anyone near him as long as he's fed sugar cubes. Nico can almost hear him neigh in pleasure.

It's not even Nico or Will's fault! They didn't make the doll!

Nico blames Leo.

Anyone aside from the Apollo campers are banned from coming along on Will's drugstore trips into the mortal world. That includes Nico.

Nico blames Leo.

When Nico returns to the Hades cabin after the meeting with Chiron to catch another nap, he finds an ugly rag doll that looks just like him. And when he grabs his sword from the corner of his cabin to poke at the doll with it from afar, the doll squeaks out, " _Talking snakes tried to steal my Happy Meal!"_

It's even worse than the Dionysus doll's pick up lines.

It gives him good comfort later on to find out that every camper had magically received one of those rag dolls on their bunk, and the dolls look just like the camper that got it, and the dolls when poked squeak out one of the campers' most embarrassing lines.

Even Chiron receives one, to the amusement of the campers and Chiron's confusion.

However, it doesn't stop Nico from burning his rag doll look-alike in one of the bronze braziers in the mess hall. He hopes another one doesn't pop back up in his cabin.

The next time he sees Leo, Nico gives him a good old punch in the gut and calmly walks away with a satisfying grin on his lips while Leo kneels on the grass, clutching at his stomach.

Will makes him apologize to Leo, and Nico _does_. He just doesn't hide how unapologetic he feels.


End file.
